Aniseed flavoured drinks

I had the CT scan yesterday. This is the first major scan after treatment started. Started off drinking the usual aniseed flavour drinks for an hour. Then into the chamber. No injection this time and the scan was to go from the neck to the groin. The aniseed had obviously softened me up. For the first time in a long while I let negative thoughts enter my head. What if they are still seeing tumours? J, my chemo mate, was scanned last week and he was all clear. What if I am not? Why are they taking so long? What are they looking at? And then inevitably thoughts of Pavel...and leaving the house for C10 or whatever ward. And not coming back..

Recently I have been trying to assess my neck lump. It has certainly gone down but I can still feel a fleshy lumnp. Or is it just scar tissue? Is scar tissue not harder? And I am certain I could feel less a few weeks ago..is it growing again? I will know the results in clinic next week.