Preliminary Feedback

Not such great news. Some tumours in the abdomen have remained the same size since the last scan in january. Will get an interpretation of this on wednesday. I guess - either these are scar tissue or they are tumours which are not responding to treatment.

How will i feel on wednesday if the latter is the case? Many years ago when i first travelled abroad without my parents I was wrongly turned away by the Spanish border police and told to get a visa in Morocco (I was carrying a Bangladesh passport hence the visa). Going back to a place on my own where the bleedin natives had robbed me of my possessions and fleeced me was not a great prospect. But i remember remarking to B+R that "it was getting sharp" and I was certainly up for it. I had exactly the same response to the confirmation of my cancer on sept 29 2004 after many months of operations and tests. It was sharp but i was up for it. I am not saying dark and frightening thoughts did not enter my head – of course they did both before and after the news. But that was my initial reaction to the confirmation of my cancer. I wonder how I will take it on wednesday.

Oh I musn’t forget to moan: I am breathless, drowsy, feverish, confined to bed and bleedin cheesed off. My wife and kid do not deserve this.